A Sirius Case of Horoscope-Ology
by chocolatecheesecakes
Summary: The Marauders. A Horoscope. It only adds up to one thing... Sirius getting the shock of his life.


Helloo! This was for Divination, in which I had to write a horoscope and then write ABOUT that horoscope. I used the additional prompts of Sirius Black, "we can't invite him Mother hates him", a first line of "his voice had never sounded so cold' and the food Ice-Cream.

Also Oceanus (write about the Marauders) in the Greek Mythology Challenge on HPFC.

And I'm planning to offer this up to CoconutBanana for use in her The Marauders Discover FanFiction story, if she wants it, of course.

So, as always, please enjoy!

oOo

A Sirius Case Of Horoscope-Ology

His voice had never sounded so cold...

"You, Sirius Black, will have a great fall in the month of November..." James read aloud, trying to roll his eyes back into his skull, to torrents of laughter from the other three boys around him. He stood up, grabbing one of the abandoned cloaks from the ground (it was September, and hot) and threw it around his shoulders, snatching up his glasses as magically enhancing them to almost twice the size in a creepy impression of their Divination Professor, Madame Mooky.

"It says here-" James took an exaggerated breath in for added dramatic affect, and waved the horoscope around in the air a bit. Remus - who had been the most subdued, almost fell backwards into the lake, he was laughing so uncontrollably. "That you will be coaxed into something you never normally would do in-"

"What are you doing?"

James threw the cloak off immediately, removing his glasses and pretending to polish them. Sirius sent a glare at his best friend as he retrieved the cloak, brushing some grass off of it. Peter was left to pick up the horoscope, as Remus was still sniggering into his hand and James was preening at the pretty redhead who was approaching.

"Lily-flower!" He grinned, ignoring the redhead's annoyed expression. "I take it that this means that you've decided to rethink my offer to take you to Hogsmede...?"

Lily scoffed. "No, Potter." She shook her head at James's puppy-dog eyes, and instead turned to the rest of the Marauders. "What were you all laughing about?"

Remus, being the one that got on the best with Lily, spoke up. "Peter did a Horoscope for Sirius." He explained. Peter flushed slightly, but only fiddled with his collar. "James was just, er, reading it out..."

"Horoscopes aren't very reliable." Lily stated, but she didn't seem angry anymore. In fact she look kind of... Disturbingly pleased. "But it's nice to see you all taking an interest in Muggle culture."

"But of course!" James jumped in, and Sirius face palmed. "Anything for you Lily-flower."

Lily just rolled her eyes and walked away to her friends, who were waiting across the other side of the Black Lake. James seemed mesmerised by the sway of her hips, and it took a sharp poke from Peter to startle him back into reality.

"Horoscopes are a load of bull." Sirius said, standing up after checking his watch. "Come on Wormtail, we have Divination."

The four of them walked off towards the castle, Remus dropping the Horoscope sheet as they walked without a second thought.

However, Peter, after a second, stooped to collect it. It could still work, no matter how unlikely it was to occur.

Surely?

oOo

_16th_ _November_

_Dear Booky thing (nope, still not calling you a Diary),_

_I reckon you remember the Horoscope shit that Prongs read out back in September. Really set off my bullshit radar that._

_Well, today I was in Transfiguration, when Minnie passed me and Prongs our papers back. He got an O (git) but... Well, I got a P._

_WHICH IS UNHEARD OF!_

_I mean, me! Sirius Black getting a P? I asked Minnie exactly this and apparently I had a shed load of spelling errors and the entire content of the essay was one million percent incorrect. I COPIED LILY'S, AND SHE GOT A BLOODY O!_

_What the absolute hell?_

"I don't get it!" Sirius moaned, flopping backwards into a comfy sofa in Gryffindor Common Room. "It really is wrong too, and I genuinely remember-"

"It's November?" Peter piped up. "Maybe that Horoscope's starting to come true?"

Sirius looked up, thunder in his expression. "That bloody paper stank of bull." He complained. "No, Petey, I think someone just swapped my admittedly brilliant essay with their inherently shitty one."

"Right..." James trailed off, as Sirius stomped up the stairs to the fifth year boy's dormitory (claiming that he was feeling tired and bored as an excuse to hide). "Do you still have the Horoscope Wormy?"

"It's somewhere in my bag..." Peter said, hunting for a few seconds before emerging triumphant. Remus took the paper from him, folded the creases back out of it, and skipped down to the next paragraph.

"You will be coaxed into doing something you would never normally do..." Remus pondered aloud, before shrugging and passing Peter back the Horoscope. "No idea what that means."

oOo

"We can't invite him Mother hates him!" James protested. "In fact, we all hate Kenneth Towler, Moony, leave him off the guest list."

Remus could't help but agree (which was something that seldom occurred with the Marauders in context) and struck a neat line through the name of the fifth occupant of their dormitory. "I'm not telling him." Remus said, almost instantly after the line had been marked in.

"Toilet's a whiny baby." James agreed, looking around the Common Room for inspiration for the person to whom this momentous task would depend on. "Not sending my precious Lily-flower to him, I dunno who else we can coerce."

Something in that struck Remus's sense of humour with a thump. He placed the parchment containing the list of invites to Mrs Potter's Christmas party to on side, quill balanced on top, and looked at James with a growing smirk.

"What Moony?" James looked a little confused.

"Horoscope." He reminded . "Padfoot's Horoscope, remember?"

James struck one Palm to his forehead, and grinned. "I would kiss you!" He declared extravagantly, but quickly shrunk back. "Ew, just kidding, not really."

"Thank Godric." Remus exhaled a breath he hadn't realised that he'd been holding, and picked up the parchment again as James made a beeline for Sirius, who was chatting - or, more accurately, flirting - to one of Lily's multitudes of friends.

"I'll leave that to you and Sirius!" James yelled across the Common Room, not a second later. Remus's head snapped up, and he gave James two fingers, ignoring the curious glances thrown his way.

Sirius looked up when he heard James stomping towards him. The Quidditch Player was not stealthy or graceful, no matter what he wanted to believe. "Prongs, me hearty!" Sirius almost bellowed.

"You can stop chatting up Lily-flower's friends, otherwise I'll never have a chance with her!" James pouted. "Now, I have a question for you."

"Shoot." Sirius leaned back in the chair, hooking his hands behind his head and stretching out a little. "Where's Wormy, by the way? I haven't seen him since dinner."

"He had extra Transfiguration with Minnie." James explained, before quickly switching topics. "Look, we need someone to tell Toilet that he can't come to the Potter party this Christmas because everyone hates his guts."

"And you're telling me this because...?" Sirius said disinterestedly, before his speech turned halfway through his sentence and he turned to his best friend with horror written all across his face. "No." He continued adamantly. "No, not me, not ever."

"I swear Padfoot." James placed a palm over his heart and bowed his head regally. "I will let you eat all the ice cream you want at the Christmas party if you just do this."

Sirius was torn between keeping his sanity and getting his ice cream. But in a split second decision, he lowered his voice and muttered a muffled 'yes'. "If you're serious."

"I'm not Sirius, you are." James grinned as Sirius groaned, thumping his head on the table in front of them.

oOo

Three of the four Marauders were sitting in front of the fireplace when Sirius came through the portrait hole.

James checked his watch. "Four hours." He stated. "Cough up Moony, Wormy."

"Took you a while to pluck up the courage then Padfoot?" Remus grinned, as the last of their number threw himself down in an armchair.

"Fuck off." Sirius scowled, to a torrent of laughter from the other three boys. "Toilet Towler was busy snogging his girlfriend. It took me five minutes to get him on his own, then an hour to shut him up. I told him and-" Sirius gesticulated with his hands a bit. "Ran."

Remus snorted, and gestured for the Horoscope. "Right." He began again, rubbing at his eyes a little. "It says here-"

"That bloody Horoscope!" Sirius groaned, jumping up and whisking the sheet out of Remus's arms. "It's getting on my fucking nerves, it really is!"

"It's just a Horoscope?" Peter offered, but Sirius made a scoffing sound in the back of his throat and shook his head.

"This." He waved the sheet up and down. "Is going in the fucking fire."

Sirius made a bit of a show by screwing the dreaded sheet up with two hands and, with the same accuracy as he used to target a Bludger, he lobbed it into the fire.

With a crackle and a pop, the paper dissolved into ashes.

"Thank Godric that's over." Remus said, after a pregnant silence.


End file.
